Off the Wagon…Again

June 11, 2011 § Leave a comment

I have a hard time staying on track and being disciplined when things are good let alone when they’re bad. Throw in an unhealthy dose of stress, depression, and loneliness with a dash of insomnia and you can pretty much guarantee I’ll spin totally out of control.

I’m pretty much a mess.

I can’t remember the last day I’ve been to the gym. I got discouraged because no matter what I did my knees would hurt so bad I’d be in misery and kept awake at night. I quit the 30 Day Shred because after 10 days it still put my knees in agony and I still couldn’t get thru level one without skipping half the cardio and getting cramps in my feet. I’ve been eating candy and fast food and butter and cheese covered everything. Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts? Yes. I’ve been drinking those sugar filled concoctions too.

No matter how much I put in, I never get full.

I’ve worked 20 hours of overtime this week alone. I’ve been blindsided by being lonely and homesick after leaving the nest in April. I’m disgusted I saw my fiancé more before we moved in together than I see him now. I’ve never been so lonely and fragile in all of my life.

I can’t sleep and either grossly overeat or forget to eat at all. I stay in bed way too late and get nothing done. I feel like an absolute slug.

All I wanna do is sleep and cry and shove my face with junk food. I’m back to sneaking junk and inhaling it when nobody is looking then beating myself up and repeating the cycle all over.

Everything is spiraling out of control.

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