Finding the Track….AGAIN

June 19, 2011 § Leave a comment

I wish I had some good explanation for why I so severely keep falling off of the wagon. I can blame work, I can blame being short on money, I can blame my social life. But really, the only thing (or person) to blame is simply myself. I know it’s possible to eat healthy when I’m short on time or money. I also know going to parties doesn’t mean I need to eat one of everything that is on the buffet table. And speaking of being short on money, it would be more helpful to be able to squeeze into last summer’s clothes than have to buy new ones…so I need to get the weight off for that if for nothing else!

In all seriousness, I’m due back at the doctor in August and I was told in February I had to get my weight and blood pressure down or else (he even brought up bariatric surgery and I almost died). It’s now the middle of June and my weight and blood pressure have pretty much stayed the same. If I don’t get this under control, I’m at the very least going to need put on medication for high blood pressure – and that isn’t something I ever imagined having to take at the ripe old age of 27.

I know I won’t ever like dieting, and I know I won’t ever like beating my body up the gym. But you know what I do like? Being alive and being able to do things. I always said I would never hover near that 260 mark again, and I have now for quite a long time. Hell, I said I’d never weigh over 200 again when I finally broke that milestone two years ago. I need to figure out why no matter how much I eat, I never get full. I don’t know if its because I’m used to eating so much, or because there is something more sinister going on (my best friend suggested I see an endocrinologist because I may have metabolic syndrome).

I just know I have to do something. I hate feeling like a failure (and I hate having a closet full of cute clothes I can’t fit my fat ass into).

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