July 10, 2011 § Leave a comment
My lack of posting here has directly coincided with my lack of tracking my eating and lack of doing any physical activity. I apparently like to pay for a Weight Watchers membership and a gym membership I don’t use when money is tight anyway.
AM I A FREAKIN’ IDIOT? Sometimes I wonder.
In all seriousness – my doctor told me in February he’d see me again in August. He also told me to get my weight and my blood pressure down or else we’d be talking bariatric surgery. Umm, it’s July. I’ve gained weight. My blood pressure is still sky high. Someone please tell me why I just can’t seem to take my body and my health seriously? (Though if you ask my mother, she thinks I should just have the surgery…but that’s a whole different conversation.)
My whole goal was to lose weight so I wasn’t a fat bride. The talk of now probably not having a traditional wedding probably hasn’t helped my efforts (nor has the stress of trying to figure out what our wedding should be with no input from my future husband). Maybe I need another goal. Maybe I need to lose weight just so I’m not a fat person, bride or not.
(Maybe I just need to change the name of the blog and my whole reasoning for wanting to drop the weight? I don’t know.)
June 19, 2011 § Leave a comment
I wish I had some good explanation for why I so severely keep falling off of the wagon. I can blame work, I can blame being short on money, I can blame my social life. But really, the only thing (or person) to blame is simply myself. I know it’s possible to eat healthy when I’m short on time or money. I also know going to parties doesn’t mean I need to eat one of everything that is on the buffet table. And speaking of being short on money, it would be more helpful to be able to squeeze into last summer’s clothes than have to buy new ones…so I need to get the weight off for that if for nothing else!
In all seriousness, I’m due back at the doctor in August and I was told in February I had to get my weight and blood pressure down or else (he even brought up bariatric surgery and I almost died). It’s now the middle of June and my weight and blood pressure have pretty much stayed the same. If I don’t get this under control, I’m at the very least going to need put on medication for high blood pressure – and that isn’t something I ever imagined having to take at the ripe old age of 27.
I know I won’t ever like dieting, and I know I won’t ever like beating my body up the gym. But you know what I do like? Being alive and being able to do things. I always said I would never hover near that 260 mark again, and I have now for quite a long time. Hell, I said I’d never weigh over 200 again when I finally broke that milestone two years ago. I need to figure out why no matter how much I eat, I never get full. I don’t know if its because I’m used to eating so much, or because there is something more sinister going on (my best friend suggested I see an endocrinologist because I may have metabolic syndrome).
I just know I have to do something. I hate feeling like a failure (and I hate having a closet full of cute clothes I can’t fit my fat ass into).
June 8, 2011 § Leave a comment
Sometimes I cannot believe just how lazy I am. How long does it take to form a habit? Two weeks they say? I made it to ten consecutive days of working out and now I haven’t gotten up off my ass in days. Every day I find an excuse not to Shred or not to go to the gym. I’m kicking myself but I haven’t done anything to change it. I just keep making excuses. Ugh. Why can’t I care about myself enough to stop letting me sabotage myself?
I was craving something sweet last night, so I made an Oreo cream pie. I tried to make it a little bit healthier with 1% milk and lite Cool Whip. I must say, it tastes exactly the same as the full fat version. At least I’m still making these smart substitutes!!! I kind of screwed myself this past week by not buying enough decent food last time we were at the grocery store. I’m out of healthy things to eat and also out of money until pay day on Friday. I really need to make sure to buy enough food to get me thru from now on.
I’m also promising to buy myself Wii Fit this pay day for my Wii. I love playing Wii, so maybe Wii Fit will cure some of my laziness with the working out thing. I’ve never played with the Wii Fit, but lots of people seem to like it. If anyone has any info or advice about it, I’d love to hear it!
In other news, spent today at the pool with the future hubby and my best friend. Worked on my tan, sunburned my face…but I’m not in near as bad shape as my poor pale Irish fiancee. He’s passed out on the couch nursing his sunburned arms, legs, shoulders and chest. I tried to get him to wear my sun screen. He wouldn’t listen!!! We did actually get to have a nice dinner – stuffed shells with meat sauce and garlic bread. Now my world’s noisiest dishwasher is cleaning up the aftermath while my world’s noisiest washing machine cleans his clothes. Too bad it’s our only night off together and he’s unconscious. Go figure.